Often we forgot how blessed and luvky we are.

Just focusing on the bad stuff in our lives.

An old man in our facility asked me to fill his cup with water and then commented: ” You are at the stage of your life that you can do anything. And that’s beautiful.”

Small thing that we just take for granted as it is just part of what we do everyday. Filling in a cup with water to drink. No drama. No issue. But for him, it is actually big.

Then I realised how hard it is to accept that you can’t even put water on your cup?

Yeah, I am in the stage of my life that I can practically do anything if I want to. Not too young, not too old. Not committed. No responsibilities.

I need to be courageous and determined to do the YOLO thing.

Let me find my determination and bravery first, then maybe I can YOLO.

xx

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A letter to someone.

This is how you lose yourself.

You lose yourself when you depend your happiness from others. When you thought that being alone is being lonely. That you allow yourself to be loved in a mediocre way.

You lose yourself when you stay in a relationship that was just safe, convenient and “just-because-you-spent-half-of-your-life-with-him”.

You lose yourself when you feel that it is okay to be taken for granted. To be taken advantage of. To be not accepted for who you are.

You are more than what you think you are worth. You are worth loving. You are beautiful.

You don’t need to settle. If you can — leave and be free.

You don’t need a guy to be complete. You don’t need him to feel loved.

You are complete. You are perfect. You are enough.

Please believe that someday, there will be someone who will love you the way you should be loved. Complete. Unconditional. Perfect.

Then you will realise that “Ah, I didn’t know I can be loved this much.” And “This is how it feels to be loved truthfully”.

You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be loved. You deserve the world.

xx

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Am working for 8 days straight now. Been to 5 night duties and 3 afternoon duties. Last week we attended devotional prayer for 1 whole week and last Saturday, I performed my church duties in the morning and then worked at the afternoon.

Body clock is messed up.

When I was in my afternoon shift, I will wake up at 4am or 6am and can’t go back to sleep even though I am dead tired.

Yesterday I was in the afternoon shift. Was home at around 11pm and was asleep instantly at 1130pm. Woke up today at 4am and was not able to sleep afterwards.

Fam here wants to have dinner outside and I sadly need to refuse, otherwise I will not have enough sleep for my duty tonight.

Was able to sleep at half past 3 in the afternoon. And woke up at 9pm. Got confused for a while when I woke up.

Didn’t know where I am, why I was sleeping. What day? Is it morning? Is it night? Did I miss my shift? Did anything happened?

I was confused for a good 10 minutes trying to orient myself.

And I believe that was a good sign that I had a good sleep.

I hope I will be able to have a good sleep later after this night duty. I am just exhausted.

xx

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It is my practice to post my schedule here if it is going beyong crazy busy. Hahaha.

This week I had a bit of crazy schedule until early next week.

Monday – devotional prayer at 0730pm, 30mins drive away from home. Came back home at around 0815pm. 1015pm start of shift

Tuesday – Got home at around 0800am from work. Slept. 0730pm devotional prayer, 1015pm start of shift again.

Wednesday – Got home at around 0800am from work. Slept. Someone call in sick, I agreed to cover his shift. Worship service at 0730pm. Got home at around 0900pm. 1015pm start of shift.

Thursday – 0700am, brother fetch me at work to go fishing since it is my rest day. Didn’t sleep at morning while at the jetty. Got a call from work. The same someone call in sick, asked me to cover. Had agreement that I will have an early out since I have work at the afternoon tomorrow. Went home at around 0300pm. Had shower. Slept at around 0430pm (can’t sleep even though I am exhausted) Got up at around 0630pm for devotional prayer at 0730pm. Got home at around 0815pm. Slept again. Woke up at 0930pm. Start of shift at 1015pm.

Friday – This will be tomorrow. I will finish my shift at 0400am, will probably try to sleep for an hour then go to church for devotional prayer at 0600am. Will go home. Sleep. Will have to come back to work at 0300pm til 1030pm.

Saturday – Thanksgiving services of our church at morning at 0800am. Work at 0200pm til 1030pm.

Sunday – Work at 0200 til 1030pm

Monday to Wednesday – Work at 1015pm til 0645am.

Busybee dahil school break. Alipin ng salapi kaya mo yan! Ahahaha.

xx

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One of my college tropa, Jeremy and I shared the love for chick flicks. Madalas yun yung pagkwentuhan naming dalawa, aside from wines, lawn, garden, at paano kumita ng pera (titas na talaga hahahaha)

I saw in his IG stories that he is watching He’s not just into you and I reacted immediately. Tapos kwentuhan na about the movie and how we loooove it and somehow relate to the stories in there.

Tapos napagusapan ang mga go-to movies if we feel down, sad or life in general is getting sh*tty.

I loooove popcorn movies as I looooove young adult books.

Di na yata magmamature choices ko sa movies and literature.

So my go-to movies are: He’s not just into you, Love Actually, My Bestfriend’s Wedding and Sweet Home Alabama.

As in pag malungkot na malungkot na ako, mapanuod ko lang yung isa sa 4 movies na yan, somehow nagiging okay ako. Di ko alam kung anong comfort meron ang movies na ito sa old single na tulad ko pero sila talaga ang nagpapagaan ng pakiramdam ko.

Anyways, manunuod muna pala ako ng Love Actually. Ngayon ko lang nakita na nasa Netflix na sya. Di ako aware. Hehe.

xx

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Unfair


Let’s be realistic, life is never and will never be fair.

Whoever asks or dreams for fairness is not in touch of reality.

Ang nega no?

Pero totoo.

You don’t ask life to be fair. You work for it. If it is still unfair, lift it up to God. And believe that someday, you will get something that may be actually unfair to others but fair to you.

Gulo no? Ako din naguluhan sa sarili ko.

Even hardworkers do not get fair share of their deed, sometimes it is just the boss who is applauded.

Graduating with high grades doesnt guarantee that you get a better job than your classmate who always sleeps at class.

We’ve got singers who have golden voices but cannot be famous and there are those who have crappy voices yet have heaps of albums and fans.

There are many unfair things in life. But how we handle these unfairness and our resilience and faith might be the way how to overcome these things.

Ah basta, nanunuod kasi ako talent show, ang gagaling nung di napipili, sayang.

Tsaka unfair daw justice system ng Pinas “ngayon” sabi ng tita ko. Tita, matagal ng unfair yung justice system ng Pinas. Sabi nga ni Bamboo may tatsulok sa lipunan natin. At panahon pa ni Lapu-lapu to Aguinaldo to now unfair na ang justice system natin. It will never be fair. Pero pano tayo lalaban sa unfairness, yun ang importante. Wag lang puro post sa FB.

Life is unfair.

Yung mababait sila pa nagkakasakit. Yung masasama sila pa matagal buhay.

Life is unfair.

Deal with it. Be the change you want to be. Don’t just whine about it. Challenge the system. But if it doesn’t work, move on. Work. Be resilient. Have faith.

Kampai!

xx

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Ultraelectromagneticpop! is 25 this year and they will release remastered songs. How cool is that?

Naalala ko pa nung una kong narinig ang Eraserheads. Grade 3 ako nun ng marinig ko ang Toyang. 1996.

Paano ko naalala? Sumali kasi nung taon na yun ang kapatid kong bunso sa isang papogian (padamihan ng nabentang ticket) contest ng taon na yun. Pinahiram ng pinsan ko yung panganay kong kapatid ng cassette ng Eheads.

Si kuya talaga ang fan ng Eheads, nakisawsaw lang ako. Pero naadik ako sa Toyang kasi parang pangbata, “Pen, pen, pen de sarapen de kutsilyo de almasen “.

Eventually nagkapera na si kuya na bumili ng mga cassette ng Eheads at dahil sya panganay, sya ang may karapatan sa radyo. So kapag weekdays, mga MTV alternative nation, Eheads at Parokya ni Edgar ang maririnig sa bahay. Weekends ay para kay tatay. Eric Clapton, Beatles, Bee gees, mga ganern.

Favorite album ko ang Aloha Milkyway, pinagyabang ko pa sa mga classmates ko yung cassette tape nun ni Kuya tapos kinabisado ko yung Julie Tearjerky para di ako bandwagon na Huling El Bimbo lang alam na kanta ng Eheads. Hahaha. Feelingerang cool eh.

Pero ang pinakanaalala kong album ng Eheads ay Natin99.

Nung binili ni kuya yung cassette tape at pinakinggan nya sabi nya sa akin nun, “wala na pabagsak na ang Eheads, isa lang kanta nila na maganda sa album na ‘to.” Maselang bahaghari. Di nya nagustuhan ang Wag kang matakot. Hahaha.

Matapos ang “graduation”, nanatiling fan ng Eheads si Kuya, syempre dahil idol ko si Kuya, nanatili din akong fan nila.

Pero naadik din ako sa boybands. Hello Westlife, A1 at Backstreetboys. Hahaha.

Pero loyal pa din ako sa Eheads. Lagi pa din sila kasama sa playlist ko at nanuod din ako ng reunion concert nila with friends.

Binili namin nun pinakamurang ticket kasi mas loyal ako nun sa mga kaibigan ko. Hahaha. Mas madami kami mas masaya. Sound trip lang. Saya.

Okay ang haba na nito. Ang gusto ko lang naman iparating na 22 years na pala akong fan. Gosh, mas matanda pa sa mga crush ko na Kpop. Hahahaha.

xx

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