I had a battle with a demogorgon earlier.

And I lost.

Painfully.

I just cursed and cursed after the lost battle. Wishing her painful life, not death. Death is too kind for her.

And I cried.

I cried a river.

I cant remember the last time I cried because of suppressed rage and grudge.

Earlier, I realized that I am no angel. I am no saint.

I cant help but be really angry with the excuse of a human ( if she really is a human) demogorgon that spits derogatory words that left me in so much hatred towards her.

I cant just think that its alright. She is still an old woman. That she is still a Filipino. That she is still human.

Pero Tangna lang eh. Di ko kaya.

Di ko maisip na tao sya.

I am really sorry self for being this unkind. For thinking ill of others.

I am sorry if what I can do is to just curse, cry and wish her bad things.

I am sorry self if I am weak. That I wasnt able to fight back. 

Kakapanuod ko pa naman ng Princess Diaries when Joe quoted Eleanor Roosevelt.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
-Eleanor Roosevelt

I let the demogorgon made me feel so inferior, so small even without my consent.

Sorry again, self.

Anyways, after the endless tanginas and you know whats. Hahaha. What can I do is just move on. Pray to God that He will forgive me for today and I hope that karma will soon be on the way of the demogorgon.

Sorry self if I consumed myself with anger. Sorry, sorry.

Lets move on, okay? Lets?

xx

PS. Tangna talaga yang demogorgon bitch na yan. May araw ka din.

Last na. Sa ngayon. Lol. ✌

Mag-iwan ng Puna

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My 2 cents


I am not a huge fan of our president but I do not hate him. I would like to believe that he is true to his words that he wants to change our country. But that doesn’t mean I like or believe every single words of Mocha and Sass.

I am not a fan of Satur Ocampo and his idealism but I still love Atom Araullo who idolizes him.

I am not a fan of the Marcoses but my father is. And *ehem* crush ko pa din si Borgy *drools*.

I do believe that the Cojuangcos are bad oligarchs who abuses farmers but I can’t help to watch a Kris Aquino talk show or a Mikee Cojuangco old movies.

I am not a fan of Leni, she reminds me so much of GMA (even her smile) but I would like to give her the benefit of the doubt. I just really hope that she will not allow people around her to use her as a tool to destabilize the present administration.

I don’t like Pacquiao as a politician/law maker for that matter, but I like him as a sportsman.

I don’t believe in violence. I do not like watching MMAs and boxings. I feel like they are just modern Gladiator event. I do not believe in killings and death penalty but I believe that we need some capital punishment (I still don’t know what would it be) for the criminals to be afraid in committing crimes.

I like Bianca Gonzales, but I do not agree with all her opinions.

There’s a lot of beliefs and idealism of Atom Araullo that I disagree with but I still love him.

Did I mention that I adore Atom? Hahaha.

I believe that the major news networks/ media can control the news but I still read and watch their programs. 

Siguro ang gusto ko lang sabihin ay hindi porke’t gusto ko at iniidolo ko ang isang tao ay paniniwalaan ko na lahat ng sinasabi nya. Hindi porke’t di ako naniniwala sa mga paniniwala at aksyon ng isang tao ay dapat galit na ako sa buong pagkatao niya at sa mga taong nakapaligid sa kanya.

Sa panahon ngayon kasi napapansin ko its either you detest them or you worship them. There will be no in between.

Pulahan. Dilawan. Bawal maging Neutral kasi wala ka daw paninindigan. Wala ka daw buto at utak.

I just feel that we Filipinos have so much hate with the other parties who do not share our beliefs and political allies. 

I feel that we are so much divided more than ever. 

Sana naman, sana naman – magkaisa naman tayo.

Para man lang sa susunod na henerasyon.

Wala lang. Malapit ko na naman ulit i-deactivate FB ko. Ka-stress na ang political awayan. Hahaha.

xx

Mag-iwan ng Puna

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2016


​Nakita ko lang. Para may year in review din ako. Haha.

1. What made you feel the most alive this year?

When I received the news that my visa was approved. I felt like all the sacrifices my parents had just for me will be totally worth it in no time.




2. How did you surprise yourself in 2016?

I am capable to do any odd jobs. Surprise, surprise!




3. What did you do this year that you regret?

None, surprisingly.




4. What made you cry the hardest this year?

When our resident minister prayed for us and I remembered my nanay and tatay, all their sacrifices and hardships and how blessed and loved I am.



5. Which friends have been there for you the most in 2016?

My cousins – Gelat and Phot.



6. What are you most grateful for as this year draws to a close?

That I am one step closer to my dreams.




7. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder?

Neutral. Haha.



8. What did you do to take care of yourself this year?

Spa, facial, body massage. Haha.



9. Where was the best place you traveled to this year?

Here in Australia.



10. What did you do for the first time in 2016?

Paid photoshoot! (Small business of my cousin and I here) Haha.



11. What did you do for the last time in 2016?

I think none. I am still doing what I was doing since the year started. 



12. Which days from 2016 will you never forget?

When my family is complete for the first time ever ever just before I got here.


13. What did you accomplish this year that you’re proud of?

That I was able to come here armed with just faith, courage and a lot of help from God and my family.




14. Who did you need to forgive this year?

None.

15. What were you most afraid of this year?

That I will not succeed and all the sacrifices of my parents will come to waste.



16. How did life surprise you this year?

That even if I am already nearing my big 3-0, I can still start over again.



17. How was this year better than 2015?

I am here in a foreign land where I can see myself staying for a very long time.




18. How was this year worse than 2015?

I am not with my family.


19. Who did you miss the most over the past year?

My family, my nephews and niece and my kingkong barbie tropa.




20. What was the most valuable thing you spent money on this year?

None? Haha. I’m practically broke.



21. What did you waste too much money on this year?

Food? Lol.



22. How did you spend your birthday this year?

I had a very simple lunch with my family.



23. What was the best book you read in 2016?

Harry Potter books for the nth time. Haha.



24. What do you wish you’d spent more time doing this year?

Read. Draw. Paint. Catch up with Friends


25. What do you wish you’d spent less time doing?

Sleeping. Haha.



26. What made you the angriest in 2016?

None. Yey!



27. When did you feel the most at peace this year?

When I am with my family and nanay’s health is stable.



28. What is the biggest risk you took in 2016?

Going here and starting over again.



29. What made you laugh the hardest this year?

Can’t remember.



30. What ended for you in 2016?

My bum days. haha.



31. What began for you in 2016?

New adventure here.



32. What song will always remind you of this year?

St. Cecilia – Foo Fighters. Just because i always listen to it every train ride.



33. How did this year differ from the way you thought it would go?

It is not easy than I hoped for but it is manageable.



34. How would you describe your personal style over the past year?

Still homeless style. hahaha.



35. Who in your life did you look up to the most this year?

Still my eldest brother. From highschool til now. He’s still my personal hero.




36. Which quote best sums up the past year for you?

“For when I am weak, then I am strong.”



37. Did you fall in love this year?

Sadly no. Lol.



38. Did your heart break this year?

Haist, wala. 



39. What was your favorite TV show in 2016?

Frequency. Stranger Things. Making a Murderer. Reply 1988. Descendants of the Sun. Survivor Gen X vs Millenials



40. Which (if any) new years resolutions did you keep this year?

I never had a new years resolution for the longest time.




41. Which (if any) new years resolutions will you be making for next year?

Now I will have one. I would like to try to have a project 365, I was inspired to make one because of Livingston.


42. What disappointed you the most in 2016?

That I am in debt?



43. Who did you rely on the most in 2016?

Phot, Wewel and Gelat. Mga tagapagaligtas.
44. Who might you owe an apology to at the end of this year?

God and my parents. Still got a lot of shortcomings.



45. How did you grow as a person over the past year?

I feel that I am more mature now. Naks! Tsaka di na ako masyadong tsismosa. Haha.



46. What made you feel the most stuck this year?

My lovelife. Zero. Haha.



47. What made you feel the most inspired this year?

When I got here, I got inspired to work hard and earn my dreams so i can bring my parents and siblings and their families here.



48. If you could go back and give yourself a single piece of advice on the first day of 2016, what would it be?

Wag susuko. Kapit lang.



49. What’s the most important thing you learned this year?

That nothing in this life comes easy.



50. What do you hope will be different for you by this time next year?

I will be debt free. I can give money to my parents regularly and I can travel. Woohoo.


xx

Mag-iwan ng Puna

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This post is for me self (uma-accent! hahaha) to remind me that when I want it, I can do it.

Saturday

Woke up at 5am.

Took a bath. 

Got dressed.

Walked.

-Train.-

Church/ Church duties.

Walked.

-Bus.-

Walked.

Got to work.

Got dressed for work.

Worked til 3pm.

Got dressed again for church.

Walked.

-Bus.-

Walked under a very, very heavy rain.

*Soaking wet from head to toe, literally*

Church Duties til 10pm.

Walked.

-Train.-

Walked.

Got home at around 10:45pm.

Cooked dinner for Wewel and I.

Ate.

Cleaned me self.

Fell asleep at 12am.

 Sunday

Woke up at around 6:45.

Took a bath.

Got dressed for work.

Walked.

-Train-

Walked.

-Bus-

Walked.

Worked til 12:30pm.

Walked.

-Bus-

Walked.

-Train.-

Walked.

Got home at around 2pm.

Loaded the laundry.

Hung the laundry under the swealtering sun.

Ate lunch.

Got dressed.

Walked.

-Train.-

Walked.

Church meeting.

Walked.

-Train.-

Walked.

Got home.

Watched a bit of TV and then slept.

And I still have work on Monday and Tuesday. Haha.

I’ve been working without any day offs for a month now. 

Grabe, burn out to the highest level. Pero kaya pa.

xx

1 Puna

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So nakakwentuhan ko yung mga nandito na sa bansang ito ng lima, sampung taon.

At ta-daaa nagstruggle din daw sila nung nagsimula sila dito.

Kung anu-ano ding odd jobs ang pinatos nila.

Umiiyak daw sila habang nagttrabaho. “Ano ba itong pinasok ko?”

Sooooo…..

It made me feel that something good will come my way. Maybe not now, not next year , but I know it will come.

Excited for what plans God has for me. 🙂

xx

Mag-iwan ng Puna

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I’ve been working 7 days a week for the past 3 weeks.

5 days of 7 are unpaid. #estudyanteblues

My back is aching.

My soles are in pain. 

I am tired.

Pero sabi ko nga sa hipag ko, mahirap man ang buhay, mahirap man ang trabaho, naranasan ko na ang mas mahirap pa sa mahirap sa disyerto bilang aliping saguiguilid.

Meron talagang purpose si God. Dati di ko alam bakit pinayagan Niya na magkaroon ako ng work na ganun kahirap, nakakapagod.

Ngayon alam ko na, hinahanda pala Niya ako para sa ngayon.

Wala lang. Pagod lang talaga ako.

xx

Mag-iwan ng Puna

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Prayers


I’ve never cried like a baby while praying for a long time.

The last time I cried sooo hard while praying was when my mom got sick and when she eventually got better.

But today, I wailed like a baby while our minister prayed for us.

He mentioned how hard 2016 was for the most of us. How we struggled and how we actually survived. How we are still blessed and how He listens to our prayers. How others are sick and asking for His miracle. 

While praying, I am beside a lady who is having chemo like nanay had which makes me sob. 

I know I ranted like a teenager lately but I still do not forget how blessed I am.

2016 is almost done and I survived. I survived, yes with bruises and scratches but I am still whole. I didn’t lose a limb or my soul. I didn’t lose my faith and myself.

I am where I am because of Him. I am still breathing, still fighting because of His grace.

I am very thankful to our Lord God because no matter how lacking I am, He still give me this life.

Today, I cried while praying not because of pain or fear. Not because of agony or sadness. 

I am crying because of feeling blessed, grateful and loved.

xx

1 Puna

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