My workmate, a co-nurse, will be throwing a baby shower today and I am not invited.

Most of my pinoy colleagues are invited, (she is not pinoy, intsik sya) including my cousin Gelat.

I am actually okay with it. I will not go anyway. I’ve been invited multiple times to join my workmates in a dinner or snack but I always find an excuse not to come.

Maybe she knows that I will not come. Or maybe simply because we are not friends.

Because of this, it made me reflect on my life. Minessage ko pa yung closest college tropa ko na sina Aubu at Rhea to tell them what I am thinking and help me reflect on my life.

Tama ba ang buhay na tinatahak ko?

Tama ba na bilang sa daliri ko ang mga kaibigan ko?

At dito sa malayong lugar, ang masasabi ko lang na kaibigan ko ay isa o dalawa lang, di pa ako sure kung kaibigan din turing nila sa akin tapos puro kamag-anak ko na yung mga kaibigan ko. Mga kapatid, pinsan, sister in laws at mga jowa ng mga kamag-anak.

Tinanong ako pareho ni Aubu at Rhea kung bakit di ako nakikipagkaibigan. Kung bothered ba ako na konti ang friends ko.

Tamad kasi ako. Ang effort gumawa ng bagong friendship. Yung recent ko na mga nakaconnect ko eh mga nakasama ko sa bridging kasi magkakasama kami sa panahon ng hirap. Natural na lang na nangyari na nagkaron ng connection. Pero after a year, isa na lang mula sa pito ang may koneksyon ako. Yung iba naging FB at IG friends na lang.

Wala akong kaibigan sa work, sa uni at sa church pero nakakasurvive ako. Haha.

Bothered ba ako? Honestly, hindi. Napapareflect lang talaga ako. Na kapag ba naghihikahos, ikakasal, nagkakit o binurol ako may pupunta kaya?

Kung ako na di gumagawa ng effort para sa mga kaibigan ko, gagawan kaya nila ako ng effort.

Bakit kasi sobrang tamad ko? Bakit ang tamad kong kumonnect sa human beings?

Flight of ideas na naman dahil lang di nainvite sa baby shower ng di ko naman kaibigan at di ko pupuntahan.

Oh well papel.

xx

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We are broke as hell. My brother and I.

We got outstanding debt to our aunt, a friend, cousin and parents.

Phone bill’s direct debit was reversed because I have insufficient balance in my bank account.

Netflix account was temporarily suspended because (again) I do not have enough money in my bank account.

Bunso’s health insurance is yet to be paid.

We are 2 or 3 (lost count) weeks behind our house rent.

3 months of wifi payment not paid.

Electic bill to be paid.

1-2-3 sa train dahil wala ngang pamasahe.

No grocery at all. We ate what my tita offers at home or some canned goods we have in the pantry (buti na lang may delata).

Good thing I already paid my tuition fee (reason bakit kami broke as hell).

Bunso has enough petrol fillled in his car until our payday.

We paid for our gym membership (ang taas kasi ng penalty sa non-payment).

We still have offering for our church even though we do not have money for food. Lol.

Still thankful that we can still eat, still have a home (thank you sa pinsan ko na sya muna nagbabayad ng house rent) and sleep in a comfortable bed. Still have wifi and can still work.

Still thankful na madami pa ding pwedeng lapitan kahit gipit na gipit na.

Kaya pa. Kaya pa.

Adulting.

Buhay abroad.

Buhay.

xx

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Google Era


I was being fussy with the telephone cord at the nurses’ station for weeks now. It was tangled like crazy and I tried to untangle it to no avail. Finally tonight, I googled how to untangle telephone cord. Lo and behold, there are a lot of hits and evwn youtube videos for it. How many people do not know how to untangle the telephone cord? Haha.

My former officemates love to answer us GMT whenever we ask questions. Google Mo Tanga. Everything is on Google. Gone were the days that you need to go to the library or ask an expert to answer your curiosity. Google is just a click away. Gone were the days that we are forced to think or to solve a problem on our own.

By the way, wikihow said that to untangle a telephone cord is to let gravity do it for you. Just drop the receiver/headset and let the cord twist and untangle by itself. And it actually worked.

xx

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Student Rant


Dahil mahal din naman yung binabayaran naming tuition ni Wewel para sa Masters ko na wala na talagang natitira sa pera namin, might as well gumraduate with Distinction di ba?

So far sa dalawang trimester na pinasukan ko puro High Distinction at Distinction pa din mga grades ko (may kasamang pagyayabang, haha).

Pero ngayong trimester medyo sumasablay ako. Siguro di ko lang talaga maintindihan yung mga subjects or di ko lang talaga maintindihan yung mga subjects. Lol.

Kumbaga kulang siguro ako sa effort para intindihin yung subjects.

May online quiz kami sa isang subject namin, Epidemiology. 6 items lang pero may time limit na 10 minutes at may mga data analysis at computation pa na kasama. So, Im pretty sure I messed up and scored poorly with that quiz. Pero nagmove on na ako comforting myself na 10% lang sya ng grades.

Kaso kanina sa class, yung mga kaklase kong mga panadols at nepnep hoorays ay nagpasahan sa whatsapp ng leakage nung quiz.

Anak naman ng tokwa mga tsong oh gumraduate na kayo ng Bachelors at nagma-masters na kayo, leakage at kopyahan pa din? (Pero at the very back of my mind, naisip ko na sana di ko sinagutan magisa at nakipagjoin forces ako sa kanila,lol).

Di ko talaga alam bakit masama loob ko. Dahil unfair na may leakage sila? O dahil di ako nakibabang sa leakage. Hahaha.

Pero in the end, ico-comfort ko na lang sarili ko na atleast di ako nandaya para makuha yung grade na gusto ko.

PS. Last time na naging grade conscious ako gradeschool pa ako. Haha. Inenjoy ko lang ng bongga yung highschool at college days ko.

PPS. Kelangan ko lang na may outlet sa feeling na to. Ayoko naman irat out mga kaklase ko kasi di lang basta grades nakasalalay sa amin pati mga visa namin at eventually kinabukasan namin sa bansang ito. Kaya hanggang dito lang yung reklamo ko dahil ayokong sumira ng buhay ng iba.

Okay, let’s move on.

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Slant eyes


Tatlong taon na akong nagsusumiksik sa banyagang bansang ito na ang pangunahing salita ay Ingles.

Sa loob ng tatlong taon ko dito, kanina lang ako nakaranas ng insulto mula sa isang puti na residente/pasyente namin dahil sa aking lahi at hugis ng aking mata.

Sa unang panahon pa lang, ang mga puti/meztizo na sumakop sa ating bansa ay pinaramdam na sa ating mga Pilipino na sila ay mataas at tayo ay mababa. Binago nila ang paniniwala natin sa kagandahan. Na ang natural nating kaanyuan na kayumanggi, maliit ang ilong, bilugang mata at pagiging maliit ay hindi matatawag na maganda.

Hanggang ngayon sakit nating mga Pilipino na magnais ng mas maputing kutis at mas matangos na ilong.

Masakit na mainsulto ng ibang lahi dahil sa iyong kaanyuan at lahi pero di ba mas masakit na di nating matanggap ang tunay na kagandahan ng ating lahi?

Hanggang ngayon, hindi lang ang mga puti ang nagmamaliit sa atin kundi tayo mismo sa isa’t isa.

Ininsulto ako ni tatang kanina ng “stupid, incompetent and doesnt know what your doing” pero mas nasaktan ako ng binanggit nya ang “your stupid f*cking slant eyes, what is your nationality?”

Nalunok ko ang insulto sa aking katalinuhan pero di ko malunok ang insulto sa aking katauhan at lahi.

Sakit tol. Yung dugo ko umakyat lahat sa utak ko at totoo pala na nakakapandilim ng paningin. Dumilim ang paningin ko at bago ko patulan si tatang, lumayo na lang ako.

Kelangan kong maging mas malaking tao kesa sa kanya.

PS: Pinapulis namin si tatang dahil kahit kelan di tama na lunukin lamang ang insulto at magkunwaring walang epekto sayo ito.

PPS: Gumawa lang ng report sila koyang pulis at binigyan kami ng contact number kung mangiinsulto ulit si tatang.

PPPS: Maganda ang pagiging kayumanggi, maliit na ilong at itim na buhok. Halina’t mahalin natin ang ating sarili, kung di natin unang tatanggapin ang mga sarili natin, paano pa natin aasahan ang iba na mahalin at tanggapin tayo?

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So my tita rants about politics on her FB, and she got personal with my family. My brothers who were taught by my parents to respect elders and always living by my mom’s words of wisdom: “kung sinong mas nakakaintindi, sya ang magbigay”, chose not to retaliate on her and just simply unfriended my tita (maybe to give her a message that she should restrain herself a little or they just dont want to read any of her rants at all) and I chose to deactivate my account. My tita who is an addict FB user who takes account how many likes and friends she have in FB noticed the exodus of my brothers and my deactivation thinking I blocked her. She immediately posted that we unfriended her and she and her elitists friends easily judged us.

Tita says “sila ang nagsara ng pinto” that we can easily answer, “wala na pong pintong isasara, sinira nyo na po.”. A lot of their friends call us mababaw, well my tita is more mababaw. She knows too well that all her posts that got too much personal will hurt my family but she still goes on, choosing to voice her opinions (in a palengkera way, branding us bobo, tanga and gago) and not minding us. Hindi din ba mababaw yon?

One of her friends said that “babalik din mga yan, kapag pasko na pipila din sayo mga yan”. Really? As in really? This got me hurt. I cried a lot because of this comment, and the bad thing about this comment, my tita chose not to answer this one. She didnt correct it so all of her friends may assume that we are after all benefited from her money. This made me cry because all the hardships my parents has gone through just to put us to school, to give us a better life flashes into my eyes (ayan naiiyak na naman ako), and my parents didn’t ask for a single centavo from them even if we are struggling.

She also commented to her friends that it is not her loss. Well, tita it is also not our loss. We will not be happy and satisfied if you validate us. We will not be rich if you still keep us as your “kawawang kamag-anak”.

She is an elitist riding in her high horse along with her friends. She worked in a multinational company where she rubbed elbows to the rich that is why she thinks too mighty of her self.

She thinks that her opinions are always correct and us, the masa’s opinions are bobo.

Yes, we are still struggling. Yes, we are not rich.

But her comments and her opinions drives us even more to succeed. Sabi nga nila the best revenge is to be successful and happy. And that we aim to do.

I hope she will be happy with her life and her elitists friends will be with her forever until her deathbed. I hope she will not need us ever in her life because I know we will never need her as we didn’t in the past. If I just can remember whatever she gave ue when we were kids, I would gladly give it back to her double the amount.

My father was hurt so bad that I got really affected. He was choking up with anger and disappointment. He felt that “dahil mahirap lang kami, inapak-apakan na kami”.

I know you may also think that this is mababaw. I know. But the feelings of my family especially my tatay’s is more important that your opinion or any one’s opinion.

Sabi ng asawa nya which is btw my tatay’s brother (so technically she is not my tita by blood) “Ang politiko they come and go but family is always there. That he hopes time will heal the wounds this election brought.” I hope he said that to his wife as well because it is more fitting to her. We do not like any particular politicians but she chose to attack us because of what our practices are as a religion.

Our practices may be questionable to other but whose practice is not? And as if we have a gun pointed on us if we do not believe on the religion anymore and leave. I have plenty of friends and family members who left the religion and we still love each other. My pinsans who are dear to me who I still share the same house with chose to leave our religion but we still love and respect each other.

I do not impose my beliefs to others because I also like it that you will not impose your beliefs to me. You can say your piece but do not expect us to believe in it.

Sabi pa nga ni Aubu: “iba yung stating your opinion sa mindless bashing” and that is what my tita did. Mindless bashing.

Ayan ang haba na ng sama ng loob ko. Lilipas din to.

Pagkatapos ng lahat, ganun pa din buhay namin.

Magtitinda pa din sila nanay at tatay. Magluluto sa kusina si bunso. Nurse pa din kami ni Kuya Benjie. Magnenegosyo pa din si Kuya Ake.

Kakain matutulog magttrabaho.

Mag-iwan ng puna

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Minsan nakakapagod ding magtrabaho para kumita ng pera.

Tapos mag-iisip ka ng mga pwedeng pagkakitaan ng “instant” na pera.

Pero sa mundong ito, bihira ang instant maliban sa instant noodles (tita jooooke, corny na ako. Haha).

Anyways, naisip ko ang isa sa mga pinakamadaling paraan para magkaroon ng instant na pera ay manalo sa lotto o sugal o gumawa ng ilegal.

Kakwentuhan ko tatay ko tungkol sa nga bagay na yan nung nakaraang araw.

Sabi ko: “Tay pano kaya kung mag tulak na lang ako? Baka yun ikayayaman ko.”

Tatay: “Madali nga kita dyan, madali din ang buhay.”

Ako: “May yumaman na ba na tulak?”

Tatay: “Kelangan Dr*g Lord ka muna bago ka yumaman, kung simpleng tulak di ka yayaman.”

Ako: “Eh kung mag Jueteng Lord na lang kaya ako?”

Tatay: “Hindi basta basta maging Jueteng Lord, kelangan madami kang kapit sa gobyerno.”

Ako: “Sino ba may hawak ng Jueteng sa atin?”

Tatay: “Edi si…”

Ako: “Ah, mahirap ngang kalabanin yan.”

Ako: “Oh sige tataya na lang ako ng Lotto at gagayak na para sa pang-gabi kong trabaho.”

Tatay: “Sige, ingat ka.”

Ayos tatay ko no, kala mo seryosohan ang usapan namin. Hahaha. Malakas sumakay sa ganitong usapan tatay ko kaya masarap kausap.

Wala lang, minsan di ko na alam saan huhugutin ang pera.

xx

Mag-iwan ng puna

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