Tula


Hindi ko mawari ang panahon,

Parang nakakulong sa garapon.

Oras ay patuloy na tumatakbo,

Ngunit ako’y nandito pa din, paralisado.

 

Hindi ko alam saan patungo,

Buhay na walang direksyon at pabunggo-bunggo.

Tanong sa sarili ay bakit,

Bakit pa nabubuhay kung puro na lang sakit?

 

Ang daming bagay na gumugulo sa ulo,

kumakanta sa utak kahit sintonado.

Tuwing gabi sila’y bumubulong,

Sa isip ay nag-iiwan ng malakas na ugong.

 

Tulong! sigaw ng puso ko,

Ngunit hindi marinig ng kahit sino.

Tulong! hindi mabigkas ng labi,

Mga salitang nalulunod sa aking tabi.

 

Yakap at kamusta,

Maaring makatulong sa aking dinadala.

Sana’y marinig mo munting tinig sa titig ko,

Na humihingi ng saklolo sa aking buhay na naghihingalo.

 

**Family and friends who are dear to me are suffering from anxiety and depression. Some takes medicine and see a therapist and/or psychiatrist. As young as 10, a beloved is already suffering from the said illness.

I for one is highly anxious once in a while but I am not clinically diagnosed with anxiety. But I do know the feeling.

I just hope that we stop once in a while to ask family, a friend or even a stranger how they are doing. You do not know, in that simple question you actually saved a life.

Late entry for the #mentalhealthawarenessday

xx

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Mag-iwan ng puna

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Real-life Notebook


For the longest time, I would like to talk about one of our residents ( we call our patients residents because we do not consider them as one).

She had an early onset of dementia. She was only 57 when they discovered she had the condition. But before that, she had some symptoms already. Her husband said that when he went to her GP (General Practitioner Doctor) to consult about his wife’s condition because she is having dizzy spells and high blood pressure when she already have a maintenance drugs to control it, the doctor said that she stopped going to him for 2 years since and haven’t had any medication for 2 years as well.

It was devastating for him but life goes on. He cared for her for 12 years. Yes, 12 years. He cared for his wife who doesn’t know him, who loses all her memories of everything for 12 years.

Why he decided to place her in our care?

It is because he was diagnosed of stomach cancer 12 years after. A 5-kg tumor was removed from his stomach and he needed treatment. Luckily, he was in remission.

From day 1 that he placed her in our care he was there from 7am to 3pm. He didn’t missed a day. Even weekends. And on holidays, he will bring her to their home for a couple of days.

He will drive an hour to go to our facility and an hour again to go back home.

When she first came, she can walk and eat.

But as time goes by, she deteriorated and wasn’t able to walk anymore. She is also hard to feed. But he is very patient with her. He feeds her breakfast and lunch for more than an hour and he doesn’t seem to be annoyed.

He told me their love story. He said that they were school mates in the country. She was only 16 and his 17 when they met. She was a looker back then, (actually she is still a looker for a 70-year old) and many boys tried to capture her heart but he fortunately succeeded. They were 18 and 19 respectively when they tied the knot. Built a family, got kids and had a nice life together.

Until the disease took over their lives.

And now, sadly, his cancer came back and it metastasized already. He tried to visit her as much as his body can but it was hard.

It’s almost a month now that he stopped visiting. We do not have any updates what is happening to his health but he is not doing too well. His wife is losing a lot of weight despite our effort to try to feed her. She is now 39 kilos, weight of an adolescent. 39 kilos for a 5 ft. lady.

He told his daughter to get all the personal belongings of his wife from the facility including pictures, dolls and memorabilia. We think that he wants it in their home when he pass. We really don’t know.

It is a tragedy. It is sad.

I don’t know why a love so pure can end like this.

PS: I just got the news 2 days ago that he passed away already and I can’t help but be real sad. Tragedy as I can call it. 😦

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Gender Equality


I had a subject about leadership yesterday.

(FYI I had a whole course about leadership and management for a year, and yet here I am studying leadership again)

Anyways, we discussed about leadership and gender. The difference between the leadership styles of male and female.

(FYI ule, the class is dominated by female classmates. Out of 25, only 3 are males)

Surprisingly, most of my female classmates criticized the leadership style of females, saying females are too emotional, not firm, indecisive and a whole lot more. They said they prefer to have male leaders who they feel can lead them right.

Another classmate said that in the workplace, she prefers to work with men because she can talk reasons to men and women just don’t listen. Women will make you feel that they are superior and they are very bossy unlike men, she said.

She also criticized the journal we read that states that women are more compassionate leaders than men. She believes that women’s compassion is just at home being a mother and doesnt extend to their workplace. I would like to remind you that the classmate is a woman. Opo, babae po sya.

There are only 2 of us in the class that believes that gender is not a basis to justify leadership. For me, it is more of the person as a whole and not by just their gender. Listening to them, it is the stigma, the stereotyping that affects the leadership and gender.

Women are soft whereas men are firm.

Women are indecisive whereas men are firm.

Women are emotional whereas men are strong.

Here we are in this century, fighting for equality and yet my friends from the same gender belittle women.

I just don’t get it.

I also had a discussion with a male colleague telling me that men are greater than women. And surprise, surprise, when he argues his point my female colleagues agreed with him.

He told us women are emotional, they decide before thinking. Impulsive. Women also are gossipers, and envies a lot.

I told him there are emotional, impulsive, kiss and tell and envious men, not just women.

We should not be defined by our gender. It might be the upbringing, the culture, the beliefs and whatnots that affect their behaviour. But I do not want to believe that it is solely because of our gender.

Yes, gender and hormones may affect some of our traits but it is not just who we are.

I am not a feminist and I actually don’t push for equality for I believe that there are certain things that women should be above men. Hahaha.

I still believe that men should give seats to women (who are pregnant or old age)

For work opportunities, salaries and rights, yes we should be equal.

But come on girls, why belittle women? Whhhhhy???

Wala lang rant lang sa discussion kahapon. Hay, kaya di natin nakukuha gusto nating equality eh.

xx

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Remember the timeline thing?

My timeline was society-tailored until I have graduated college.

6 years in Elementary School.

4 years in Highschool.

And 4 years in College.

My siblings always tease me that I am the only MVP out of us 4 because they had an extra year in college whilst I graduated on the dot.

No dropped or failed subject.

Everything was perfect.

Not until our school decide that we are not ready yet to take the board exam for June and forbid us to take the said exam and told us to take the November one. We were okay with it since, well, the school knows what is best for us (so we think? haha)

Since there is an almost 8-month gap from graduation to the exam, most of my classmates and I decided to look for a job while waiting. And most of us opt to work in the BPO industry. I worked there intending to resign just before the review of the board exam. But then, life. And uhm, greed? And before I know it, I have stayed there for a couple of years.

And then, I worked as a volunteer in a hospital, and then nanay got sick, and then I worked in an NGO.

After a couple of years passed in a blink of eye and I decided to go to UAE to try my luck there. Didn’t got lucky but got to work there for 2 years.

And then I decided that “No, the desert is not for me.”

Got back home and decided to try my fate in Australia.

Started here from scratch doing odd jobs in between of studies.

And then, God decided to take action and made me a Registered Nurse here.

Yep, got my registration here at the age of 31. Yes, 31.

While everyone of my age are busy building a family, a house or being a head nurse or a leader of something, I just got my registration at 31.

And now, I am pursuing to have a Masters degree here in Australia. Yep, starting all over again at 31.

Yep my time line is pretty messed up. And I am not getting any younger. But I believe dreams and aspirations have no age.

I will still keep dreaming and I will still keep on chasing the said dreams.

xx

5 mga puna

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Sometimes I just can’t wrap to my mind how busy I am. How time is always not enough for all the things I should do. And how can I accomplish everything I should accomplish.

I also don’t know how to come up with funds and how to pay all the debts I have.

Life is crazy busy. I am always chasing for something.

I just hope that all of these will be worth the hardships and the anxiousness.

All I want in this life is for me to give a comfortable life to my parents. And all these stuff will hopefully lead to that.

Kelan kaya yun?

Sana malapit na.

Soooobrang sabaw na ng utak ko.

Anyways.

xx

Mag-iwan ng puna

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So my one and only ex boyfriend until now got married.

No hard feelings there.

Just found out because apparently her wife is my FB friend who is a classmate of my cousin.

I told my friends that he got married. And a friend asked if I’m still affected with the news.

One way or another, I am affected. Not that I am jealous or anything but because I immediately told my self, “Uy, buti pa siya kinasal na.”

And that’s it. Maybe sometimes I long to have a relationship but most of the time I do not even remember that I actually do not have a relationship for a decade now.

Sobrang busy ko sa life, chasing my dreams, chasing my age and chasing the life I want to give to my parents that I do not mind not having any relationships.

Siguro kapag naabot ko na lahat ng gusto kong maabot, then that will be the time I will feel empty. That I will feel lonely.

But for now, I am just one busy person, trying to get my dreams and aspirations.

Congratulations is in order, ex-boyfriend. 😊

xx

1 Puna

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Nasa punto kami ngayon ng buhay namin ni Wewel na —

May utang kami sa tatlong magkakaibang tao.

May utang kami sa tuition nya.

Di kami nakakabayad ng renta sa bahay ng higit isang buwan na ata.

Wala kaming groceries.

At ang sweldo nya ay di man lang makapagstay sa bank account.

Oh well, sabi nga ni Wewel makakabawi din kami in a month or two. Tiwala lang.

PS: Aubu, kung nababasa mo to, wag sasabihin sa bahay ha? Lalo kila Nanay at Tatay. Hahaha.

xx

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